A Little Bit About Us
Grandma, teacher, mother, friend, wife....I am many things. But isn't everyone? I used to think I was just weird, but discovered I am not only the roles I play, I am many different selves sharing one public body. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, NOS (which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder). I have been this way as long as I can remember, so when I discover other people don't do what seems "natural" to me, I'm often surprised. For example, I routinely have 5-10 streams of conscious "thought" going on inside my head at once! Sarah might be thinking about how the dinner with friends is going to pan out, Rae might be processing the day at school, Amanda might be dreaming of a vacation in California, and Prowler might be playing out suicide fantasies. All at once. Sometimes my husband will ask me, "What are you thinking?" and I have to laugh because of the variety of thoughts going on all at once. Interesting, but tiring. Thus, my days are filled with teaching in the middle school, walking my service dog, and going to bed quite early. On days off I knit, read, and find safe activities for all the parts of my self that need to express their emotions or have some moments of enjoyment. My book, In and Out of Ice/Glass is a bit of a voyeuristic view inside my mind from the tumultuous time of official diagnosis to 2 years later when I found some peace with my situation and became capable of opening my heart to love and feel loved. Ice/Glass is the term used for the catatonic state of the "core" self, Amanda, who is the soul that breaks free to possibility of love. I write about my flashbacks of trauma, my struggle with suicide and self-mutilation, and the strange dualism of rage and compassion that alternately consume me. I have laid bare my soul in hopes that others who suffer may find hope, and those who wish to understand mental illness find deeper meaning.
Contact me at [email protected]
Contact me at [email protected]